


Comment by MrCrowley on AngelOfNazareth's post

by Fallynleaf



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Characters Writing Fanfiction, Epistolary, Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-08 22:19:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallynleaf/pseuds/Fallynleaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Metatron is a longtime beta (and occasional writer) in the fandom for the Supernatural books, and Crowley is a newcomer to the fandom who quickly becomes a BNF fic writer. Their real-life identities unbeknownst to each other, the two of them strike up a tentative internet friendship that immediately becomes more of an <i>enemy</i>ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comment by MrCrowley on AngelOfNazareth's post

**Author's Note:**

> Posted today in honor of International Fanworks Day!
> 
> This fic was initially not supposed to exist. I started writing it last summer as merely background for another fic I had planned, which centered on Crowley writing smutty fanfic and reading it out loud to Sam and Dean while they were keeping him prisoner in the bunker and interrogating him. Hilariously, I ended up finishing this fic and never got around to even starting the other one.
> 
> I chose to focus specifically on Metatron and Crowley and not include any other characters in the Supernatural 'verse mainly because both Metatron and Crowley have canonically read the Supernatural books, and I wanted it to fit as smoothly into the canon as possible. I had create the "Crowley&Metatron" tag in order to post this.
> 
> I was conceptually and stylistically inspired by two other fanworks: [Thirty-Five Owls](http://letterblade.net/thirty-five_owls.html) (a Dumbledore/Grindelwald Harry Potter fic) and [Pairing: Pendragon/Merlin](http://merlinkinkmeme.livejournal.com/12537.html) (an Arthur/Merlin BBC Merlin fic). I decided to not anchor the formatting of this fic in that of any existing website (such as LiveJournal or Dreamwidth), though hopefully the general structure is familiar enough to pay homage to those sites and those communities.
> 
> None of the hyperlinks in this fic are real. Well, except for one. I'll let you figure out which one it is.
> 
> Contains vague spoilers through the end of season nine. Also contains a couple mentions of rape, though nothing is described graphically.

_Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** on **MrCrowley** 's post: [blah blah intro post and some smut](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> Welcome to the fandom. I've been following the Supernatural books since the beginning, and I've been a beta for other authors' works in the fandom for nearly that long. [Here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542) is a list of everything I've beta'ed. If you could use a beta, I think the two of us could potentially work very well together.
> 
> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>
>> I've never had a beta before, but I am nothing if not open to trying new ideas, and your resume is actually somewhat impressive, though your own work seems to be somewhat less so. Check your private messages for my email.

 

* * *

 

 **FROM:** angelofnazareth@mail.com

 **TO:** crowley666@mail.com

[ View Attachment ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)

I finished my preliminary read-through of your untitled Wincest fic, and I have some suggestions:

The first thing I would recommend is removing the second sex scene between Sam and Dean near the end of the fic. The first sex scene served its narrative purpose, but the second one seemed excessive to me, and I found reading it to be somewhat dull.

Secondly, you established a "forbidden fruit" metaphor near the beginning, and my advice is to strengthen this by having Sam or Dean eat an actual fruit at some point in the story.

As far as typographical errors go, there was only one, and it was a misplaced comma in the third to last paragraph. I've highlighted this error in the attachment, and included a few additional minor comments in the body of the document itself.

 

 **FROM:** crowley666@mail.com

 **TO:** angelofnazareth@mail.com

I get the impression that you somehow failed to notice that I primarily write SMUTFIC. This means that the ultimate point of the fic is, shockingly, that the characters have sex, and often lots of it. Why do I write smutfic? Because it's fun, and it pisses off uptight people like you, and it lets me pretend that I lead a colourful, exciting life instead of having to BLOODY WORK ALL DAY.

I've decided to keep the misplaced comma for aesthetic purposes. And I've also decided that I can work just fine without a beta, so this is the only unpublished draft of mine you will ever be seeing.

But just for you, Nazzie, I added in a scene where Dean deep-throats a banana. Cheers!

 

* * *

 

_Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** on **MrCrowley** 's post: [human!Impala/Dean](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> There is a glaring continuity error where the Impala has his clothes on in one paragraph, and then suddenly in the next, he's entirely naked. It's quite jarring. I winced hard enough, I think I knocked a book off of my desk. This is why I offered to beta for you. It prevents distracting elements like this from happening.
> 
> _Comment by **MrCrowley**_ :
>
>> How the bloody hell do you have time to beta and critique all of these fics? Do you just lock yourself in your room all day and read other people's stories?
>> 
>> _Comment by **AngelOfNazareth**_ :
>>
>>> Published first drafts happen to be a pet peeve of mine.
>>> 
>>> _Comment by **MrCrowley**_ :
>>>
>>>> Oh, then you'll just love [this one](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542). I hadn't even finished fixing all of the typos, but I thought I'd share it early just for you. I'll even do you a favour and point out that totally unintentional tense shift in the eighth paragraph. Apparently Dean's orgasm was so intense, it pulled him into the future!

 

* * *

 

 

_Comment by **MrCrowley** on **AngelOfNazareth** 's post: [[Fanfic] The Little Angel, a retelling of Hans Christian Anderson's classic...](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3347888)_

> Trite, pretentious, and has its head shoved up its own ass deep enough it could eat itself out.
> 
> _Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** :_
>
>> Lovely. That is exactly the crass sort of concrit I expected from you.
>> 
>> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>>
>>> [Here's](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542) a fic I wrote just for you, my dear friend Nazzie: it's a retelling of The Little Mermaid featuring Castiel as a mermaid who gives an underwater rimjob to Dean, but then gets his tongue cut out to become a human, and faces the problem of how to woo Dean when he doesn't have a tongue to stick in Dean's ass and can no longer give heart-flutteringly good rimjobs.

 

* * *

 

 

_Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** on **MrCrowley** 's post: [Crowley/Bobby as per request, R](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> For someone who apparently likes Crowley enough to include him in their username, you managed to portray him as incredibly unsympathetic.
> 
> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>
>> Unsympathetic? UNSYMPATHETIC? Crowley is easily the most sympathetic demon in the entire bloody series! He gave Bobby his legs back, now didn't he? I've never seen so much unexpected kindness in my whole damn life. How about YOU try being evil, see how "sympathetic" people find YOU!
>> 
>> Oh, and my username? Is a reference to the Ozzy song, you twat.

 

* * *

 

 

_Comment by **MrCrowley** on **AngelOfNazareth** 's post: [[Fanfic] And We Walk on the Backs of Gods](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> I admit, this one might have impressed me. I did not anticipate the metaphor alluding to Lot's Wife while you were describing the salty taste of cum. Though I might have violently snorted my drink and then laughed harder than I had in decades.

 

* * *

 

_Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** on **MrCrowley** 's post: [NC-17 Destiel oneshot](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> Killing off Meg merely because she got in the way of your ship is lazy storytelling. Especially since you did it in a throwaway sentence in the very first paragraph.
> 
> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>
>> Did you ever stop to consider that maybe I killed off Meg simply because I HATE THE BITCH?

 

* * *

 

 **Posted by:** MrCrowley

 **Post Subject:** REQUEST: Crowley/Angels smut

Give me smut involving Crowley and any angel. I'm not particularly picky. Could be Crowley/Castiel, or Crowley/Gabriel, or even bloody Crowley/Uriel if you want. Doesn't have to be happy and doesn't have to make sense.

> _Comment by **Anonymous** :_
>
>> FILLED: Bloody Wings and an Olive Branch [1/?]
>>
>>>          . . .
>> 
>> _Comment by **MrCrowley:**_
>>
>>> I didn't say I wanted it to be a goddamn religious experience. Not that I'm complaining about the fill, mind you.

 

* * *

 

 **Posted by:** AngelOfNazareth

 **Post Subject:** REQUEST:God genfic

I would love to read a God-centric genfic about the other angels losing faith in their Father and realizing that if there is going to be order in Heaven, they will have to make it themselves. Bonus points if it's from God's POV, and if he is not portrayed as downright evil, but he isn't sympathetic, either.

> _Comment by **Anonymous** :_
>
>> FILLED: untitled [1/3?]
>>
>>>          . . .
>> 
>> _Comment by **AngelOfNazareth:**_
>>
>>> Thank you for making me laugh. I was not expecting a humorous take on this prompt, but you somehow made it work.

 

* * *

 

_Comment by **MrCrowley** on **AngelOfNazareth** 's post: [[Fanfic] Coyote and the Raven](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> Bugger it. It actually pains me to be the culturally sensitive one here, but how on earth did you write this and not realize how bleeding racist it was? This fic is so bad, it's almost a work of art.
> 
> _Comment by **AngelOfNazareth**_ :
>
>> I'll have you know I lived with a Native American tribe for many years!
>> 
>> _Comment by **MrCrowley**_ :
>>
>>> Oh, boo hoo. You have Native friends, blah blah, like I haven't heard that one before. Next time you want to play Dances with Werewolves, at least do it somewhere where it makes enough people angry that I can enjoy their self-righteous whining. Have you considered mainstream Hollywood? I hear they churn out films like this every couple years or so.

 

* * *

 

_Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** on **MrCrowley** 's post: [Sam/Lucifer in the pit](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> I'm surprised that it took you this long to do something with all of the Sam/Lucifer subtext in the series. Demonic rape seems like it'd be right up your alley.
> 
> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>
>> I think you're forgetting something that's just a little bit VITALLY IMPORTANT: a rape involving Lucifer is, in fact, _angelic_ rape.
>> 
>> _Comment by **AngelOfNazareth:**_
>>
>>> an·gel·ic  
>  _adjective_
>>> 
>>> exceptionally beautiful, innocent, or kind
>>> 
>>> synonyms: innocent, pure, virtuous, good, saintly, wholesome; beautiful
>>> 
>>> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>>>
>>>> You do know that none of those words describe you, right? And yet, you have the word "angel" in your username. False advertising, that's what it is.

 

* * *

 

_Comment by **MrCrowley** on **AngelOfNazareth** 's post: [[Fanfic] Lost in the Hell House](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> Instead of reading this, I could've spent my time writing porn of you, Carver Edlund, and God having a good ol' circle jerk in a locked, windowless room. Maybe even throw in the fourth wall as a two-way mirror in the room, and have Sam and Dean get off on watching _you_.
> 
> _Comment by **AngelOfNazareth:**_
>
>> Oh, please. As if the books themselves didn't completely shatter the fourth wall all on their own.
>> 
>> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>>
>>> I never said the narrative device was any less of a circle jerk in the original canon. But you just couldn't keep it in your pants and had to participate, didn't you?

 

* * *

 

 

_Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** on **MrCrowley** 's post: [Wincestiel sex pollen PWP](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> That sex scene read like one long paint-by-numbers sequence. I knew exactly which sex acts would happen and in what order from the very beginning. What a bore.

_Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** on **MrCrowley** 's post: [Wincestiel sex pollen PWP](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> Hello? Crowley? Cat finally got that porn-loving tongue of yours?
> 
> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>
>> Or maybe I was gone for JUST A FEW BLOODY MONTHS because I have a little something called A LIFE. Because unlike certain incredibly prolific betas, I don't have all day to spend sitting in my room reading other people's stories and comments.
>> 
>> Oh, and you know you love my tongue, darling.

 

* * *

 

_Comment by **MrCrowley** on **AngelOfNazareth** 's post: [[Fanfic] Measure Still for Measure, an AU patterned off of Shakespeare's...](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> Do you know how horribly awkward it feels to read someone else's unrepentant author insert? Because I've read enough of yours, I've started to get an apprehensive itch in my left nostril right before I encounter one of them.
> 
> _Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** :_
>
>> If you're referring to the role of the Duke in the play, in my fic, he is represented by God, who then masquerades as Chuck, and from that position, he proceeds to manipulate the characters so that his story gets the result he wants, namely, that Dean can save Sam without having to consent to Michael.
>> 
>> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>>
>>> You really need to pick one. Either write the Duke as God, or write him as an author insert. You can't really author-insert as God.
>>> 
>>> Well, you technically _can_ , but you really, _really_ shouldn't.

 

* * *

 

_Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** on **MrCrowley** 's post: [H/C fragments dump post](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> I can't‒ I can't stop LAUGHING, ahahaha, I'm only halfway through the one where Dean has a complete breakdown and Sam and Cas both hold him and kiss him and tell him they love him, and I can't tell which I like better: that one, or the one where Cas confesses to Dean that he's in love with him in the middle of a pouring rainstorm and both of them cry while they make out because it hurts so much to be human. Either way, I've added this post to my list of "humor" recs.
> 
> But I have to ask: How drunk _were_ you?
> 
> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>
>> When I wrote them? Quite sloshed. When I posted them? A little plastered. Do I regret any of it? No.
>> 
>> _Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** :_
>>
>>> I still can't believe that _this_ is what you spent your time doing while you were busy. I haven't seen writing this bad or trope-ridden since self-insert fanfiction first made its debut.
>>> 
>>> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>>>
>>>> If you have to resort to taking shots at preteen girls in order to critique my writing, then I reserve the right to clamp my hands over my ears and not listen any time you cry "misogyny!!" about anything I write.

 

* * *

 

 

_Comment by **MrCrowley** on **AngelOfNazareth** 's post: [[Fanfic] Blood on Abel's Lips](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> I'm not sure if you quite understand just how much I am NOT the kind of person who typically says this, but after reading this, my only response is _you need Jesus_.

 

* * *

 

 **Posted by:** Anonymous

 **Post Subject:** REQUEST: gen happy AU

I want an AU genfic where after Sam and Dean stop the apocalypse, Castiel comes back as a human, and God lets all of them catch a fucking break and makes Crowley a human, too, and they're all just bloody humans doing stupid human things. Don't even bother filling this if it doesn't have a happy ending.

> _Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** :_
>
>> FILLED: Pirouette Between the Curtains [1/5]
>>
>>>          . . .
>> 
>> _Comment by **Anonymous** :_
>>
>>> If that was happy, then why won't the bloody tears stop??

 

* * *

 

 

 **Posted by:** Anonymous

 **Post Subject:** REQUEST:angel orgy

Either some sort of angelic sex pollen contaminates Heaven and whole swathes of angels are affected, or something forces a large number of angels to either fuck or die, or there is some other reason why angels must suddenly have sex en masse. Just give me a fic where Heaven is filthy and a bunch of angels (I don't care which ones) have to have lots of dirty sex.

> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>
>> FILLED: untitled [1/?]
>>
>>>          . . .
>> 
>> _Comment by **Anonymous** :_
>>
>>> Mmm, yes! I enjoyed the comparison at the very end to pre-Flood earth, and I was especially fond of the part with Castiel and Ruby. An angel taking advantage of a demon is depraved in such a beautiful way. It's almost poetic.
>>> 
>>> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>>>
>>>> And here I was, thinking _I_ was the sickest fuck in this fandom.

 

* * *

 

_Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** on **MrCrowley** 's post: [Forbidden Fruit part 3/3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> You certainly took your sweet time waiting to publish this one. I especially appreciate the third sex scene you shoehorned in, and the implication that God selected bananas for the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil simply because they were phallic shaped. Because of course _that_ has to be about sex, too.
> 
> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>
>> I'm disappointed that you didn't even acknowledge that I titled the bloody thing just for you, Nazzie. Because why write a subtle metaphor into your story when you can bludgeon the reader to death with it?
>> 
>> And it's not like apples and pomegranates and the other traditional representations of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge don't resemble vaginas.
>> 
>> _Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** :_
>>
>>> Also, in case you weren't aware, there is still a misplaced comma in the third from the last paragraph.

 

* * *

 

_Comment by **MrCrowley** on **AngelOfNazareth** 's post: [[Fanfic] Away in a Manger](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> I have no idea why I should be at all surprised that someone with a bloody Jesus reference in their own bloody username wrote a fic wherein Mary Winchester gave birth through immaculate demon conception by way of Azazel, thereby paralleling the birth of the Antichrist with that of Jesus. And yet, here we are.
> 
> When you end up in Hell, maybe the two of us will actually get to meet.
> 
> _Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** :_
>
>> The series is rife with biblical references and parallels. It only makes sense to explore that further.
>> 
>> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>>
>>> You know what? I take back what I said earlier. _You need_ less _Jesus_.

 

* * *

 

_Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** on **MrCrowley** 's post: [Wincest sexswap, NC-17](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> This fic was literally just an excuse for you to write lesbian porn without having to make the effort to write women.
> 
> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>
>> Oh, come on. Haven't you imagined what it would be like if Sam and Dean smashed apples together instead of bananas?
>> 
>> _Comment by **AngelOfNazareth** :_
>>
>>> That's a terrible choice of metaphor.
>>> 
>>> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>>>
>>>> That's what Lot's Wife said.

 

* * *

 

_Comment by **MrCrowley** on **AngelOfNazareth** 's post: [[Fanfic] Act 1: Denouement](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> Can't wait for Act 2 to be posted so that I can immediately lose interest and skim through it, too.

_Comment by **MrCrowley** on **AngelOfNazareth** 's post: [[Fanfic] Act 1: Denouement](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> Since it's been a couple weeks with neither a response nor an update, if "Act 1: Denouement" is supposed to be the whole bloody joke, it's a pretty piss-poor one. Because newsflash: your writing doesn't live up to your godawful titles. Either that, or your titles don't represent your godawful writing.
> 
> _Comment by **MrCrowley** :_
>
>> *If that in any way implied that either your titles or your writing is not godawful, then let me reassure you, they both suck each other's wet, crusty ballsacks.

_Comment by **MrCrowley** on **AngelOfNazareth** 's post: [[Fanfic] Act 1: Denouement](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> Still dead? Alright. Just checking.

_Comment by **MrCrowley** on **AngelOfNazareth** 's post: [[Fanfic] Act 1: Denouement](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> If you're going to drop off the face of the internet, you should've at least make sure that your last published work is something approaching decent. I'm tired of seeing this droll crap at the top of your page every time I visit it.

_Comment by **MrCrowley** on **AngelOfNazareth** 's post: [[Fanfic] Act 1: Denouement](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3225542)_

> Dammit, Nazzie. I don't know how it's possible, because the fandom may be boring with you, but somehow it's even more boring without you. COME BACK, you pretentious sod! I wasn't done being enemies with you!

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn't catch which hyperlink linked to a real fic, try [this one](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3347888).


End file.
